Employee Performance Evaluations
	"I would not allow this employee to breed." "A prime candidate for natural deselection." "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." "He's been working with glue too much." "She would argue with a signpost." "He sets very low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
	"He would be out of his depth in a pavement puddle." "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless." "He has a knack for making strangers immediately." "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." "One neuron short of a synapse." "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
	"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." "Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes." "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans." "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm." "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
	"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together." "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
	"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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Last modified 09/11/05