How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if he wants that supersized. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his caffeine addiction, switch to expresso. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." Dont use punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Ask people what gender they are. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play a tape of jungle songs all day. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won! Third time this week!!!" When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!" During dinner tell your children, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
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